The biblical concept
which underpins the universal social construct of marriage is that of covenant. In the word of God, marriage is never seen as
a human contract based on mutually pre-agreed expectations which can be torn up
when one or other (or both) of the two partners involved feels like it. Neither is it seen as the kind of ‘easy-come,
easy-go’ cohabitation lifestyle of modern-day western serial polygamy. Neither is it based on a mutual understanding
that divorce is an easy option that a couple can take as an escape route from
their situation, if either or both of them think that they want this.
Furthermore, despite
what recent western thinking has made it in terms of other erroneous concepts
of marital union, the word of God makes it clear that in God’s eyes marriage
is a heterosexual union of two human beings, a biological male with a
biological female (so who have XY and XX chromosomes
respectively). This has always been the
universal model for marriage in every culture throughout the millennia of human
history, and the model within which children are conceived and born.[1]
‘So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of
God he created them; male and female he created them… For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.’ (Gen. 1:27; 2:24)
This covenant union of
male and female in marriage is mirrored in the word of God in two ways which
are similar to one another. Firstly,
when God entered into the old covenant union with ancient Israel, this was described
many times in the Old Testament in terms of a marriage relationship. God looked upon his people Israel as his
wife, and he saw himself as their faithful husband:
‘For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name…’ (Isa. 54:5)
‘I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved
me and followed me through a land not sown.
Israel was holy to the LORD…’ (Jer. 2:2-3)
‘As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice
over you.’ (Isa. 62:5)
Secondly, in the new
covenant, the Church is seen as the bride of Christ (and the wife of the Lamb)
and Christ as her faithful Bridegroom:
‘“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery – but I am talking
about Christ and the church.’ (Eph. 5:31-32)
‘I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might
present you as a pure virgin to him.’ (2 Cor. 11:2)
‘For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has
made herself ready.’ (Rev. 19:7)
Entering into a
covenant with his ancient people (and similarly in doing so with the church
through Christ), meant that God was giving himself completely and totally to
them, expecting and hoping that they in turn would reciprocate this by giving
themselves completely and totally to him.
In this covenant, he became their God and they became his people in this
world (Ex. 6:7, cf. Rev. 21:3). Out of
all the nations in the world, God chose Israel and gave himself in covenant to
them. In this covenant, he gave them
many promises which he fully intended to keep.
He would remain faithful to them and would never leave nor forsake them,
for as long as they stayed faithful to him, obeying his word and keeping his
commands and laws (Deut. chs.28-30, cf. Heb. 13:5).
Therefore, entering
into covenant implies the selection of a unique covenant partner, choosing one
particular person out from among many, and it involves a total giving of
yourself to this individual person, with the expectation and hope that this
will be reciprocated on their part towards yourself. You become theirs and they become yours. You belong exclusively to each other. Because of the uniqueness of this choice and
the expectation of the mutual and total giving of oneself to the other, a
covenant is therefore sealed by taking vows or giving an oath to each other. The expectation is that a covenant will not
be broken, and it demands faithfulness over a lifetime.
This is what God did
with the ancient Israelites, and it is also what he does with us as the bride
of Christ. He took a vow or oath
and entered into a covenant with them:
‘I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with
you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.’ (Ezek. 16:8)
Becoming one: the
union of marriage
The words of Genesis
2:24 show us more of the deeper meaning of what is involved in marriage
covenant:
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.’ (Gen. 2:24)
When an adult male and
female are married, they come into union with each other. The words ‘one flesh’ in the verse above
evidently refer to the physical sexual union between the male and female. However, this union between them is far more
than just a physical union. It involves
the total intertwining and integration of their lives together. It is a union of two physical bodies, of two
hearts and souls, and, as they go on into married life together, this union
integrates also every other aspect of their lives. It involves their children, their finances,
their home, their possessions, their relationships, what they do with their
time, their support of one another, and so on.
In fact, there is no part of their lives that is left untouched by this
union. This union makes them into a new
social unit, which then becomes a new nuclear family as their children are
born. So they are no longer the
two separate people that they were before they got married, they are now one:
‘“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one.’ (Matt. 19:5-6)
Therefore, wanting
someone to enter into such a covenant union of marriage with you, and expecting
them to commit and give themself to you wholly in such a long-term union which
will involve the totality of their life in every way, demands that they are able
to develop a deep level of love and trust towards you, that you will remain
faithful to them in this covenant. So
for your part, you need to honour and respect the step that they are taking
towards you, and to similarly commit yourself to them in every way just as they
will be doing towards you. It
demands reciprocation of the same level and depth of commitment. So you too will need to extend to them a
similar depth of long-term trust as you give yourself to them. Therefore, the only appropriate way in which
to seal such a covenant union is by giving one another reciprocal vows that you
will be faithful to each other, and that you will never leave or forsake each
other. As the traditional marriage vow
says: ‘For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc.’ (cf. Heb.
13:5).
This understanding of
marriage as a covenant with its aspect of total integrated union between the
two partners concerned, flies in the face and indeed makes a mockery of the ‘easy
come, easy go’ attitude involved in cohabitation relationships which are so
common in westernised life today. ‘Easy
come, easy go’ cohabitation is essentially based on a self-centred attitude
towards the relationship involved, and it leads into all of the deep soul hurt
and rupture that takes place when the two partners separate. By contrast, the biblical model of covenant
implies that, in marriage, I am not simply committed to my spouse as a human
being, but I am also committed to the covenant which underlies our relationship
and which binds us together. This
gives us a much stronger foundation for a lasting and hopefully lifelong
relationship.
Betrayal of the
covenant
God’s intention
and ideal is that the covenant union of marriage should be lifelong. However, as the Old Testament makes clear,
the ancient Israelites found it difficult and challenging to remain faithful to
their covenant with God. They broke
faith with him on many occasions, by forsaking him and adopting instead the
gods of the surrounding nations, thereby committing spiritual adultery. For his part, God remained faithful and
persevered with them, sending prophets to them time and time again to call them
back to himself, and urging them to remain faithful to the covenant. He showed himself to be a forgiving God
towards them on many occasions. However,
he lamented them as an unfaithful and adulterous wife, and ultimately their
unfaithfulness towards him met with a stern response: he separated himself from
them and sent them into exile far from the land he had given them.
When the Pharisees came
to Jesus with their query about divorce, it seems that he came down firmly on
the side of the Shammai school, vis. that a man did not have the right
before God to separate from his wife for ‘any and every reason.’ In the context of this particular query, he
supported their view that only marital unfaithfulness (adultery) provided
grounds for divorce, even though the Mosaic law allowed divorce on wider
grounds because of the hardness of people’s hearts (cf. Deut. 2:1-4). The ‘easy divorce’ belief of the more liberal
Hillel school was wrong, and it was leading to widespread adultery in Jewish
society in that day. Jesus raised
the standard higher for those who would follow him:
‘Therefore what God has joined together, let man not
separate… I tell you that anyone who
divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman
commits adultery.’ (Matt. 19:6,9)
The reason why Jesus
raised the standard much higher is that when a man and woman come into marital
covenant union with each other, their total lives – body, soul, heart, mind,
spirit, finances, relationships, etc. – become inextricably bound up, intertwined
and integrated with each other. As we
shall see in a later blog, to separate two people in such a marital bond is to
rip and tear them apart in every way in which they have become one. This therefore deeply hurts and damages both
people, and it has serious long-term effects on both of them. It is never God’s ideal for a married
couple to separate. Jesus only
gave one ground on which divorce was acceptable, and that was adultery (or
marital unfaithfulness). In adultery,
one partner breaks faith with the other, and comes into union with a third
party in a way which should only take place within a covenant marital
union. So this betrays, upends and
utterly negates the whole meaning of the covenant made with his/her original
partner.
This should therefore
indicate to us the seriousness with which a covenant marriage relationship
should be approached in the very beginning, with appropriate premarital
counselling. and furthermore the continued seriousness with which this covenant
ought to be treated as the years go by in marriage, by both partners. Marriage is intended by God to be a
lifelong union. In the words of
the traditional Christian marriage service: ‘It is a permanent commitment that
all should honour. It must not be
undertaken carelessly, lightly, or selfishly, but by God’s help, with
reverence, responsibility, respect and the promise to be faithful.’[2]
[1] All
other forms of so-called ‘marriage’ in our day are sterile, as they cannot
produce fruit in the form of children from the two partners themselves without
outside intervention, either through the donation of female eggs, male sperm,
or a surrogate womb within which to house an unborn child for nine months.
[2] Quoted from “The Marriage Service”, https://www.churchofireland.org, accessed 20.03.2025.
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