‘Now [an elder] must be above reproach, the husband of but one
wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not
given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of
money. He must manage his own family
well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his
own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a recent convert… He must also have a good reputation with
outsiders…’ (1 Tim. 3:2-5,7)
‘Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not
indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the
faith with a clear conscience… A deacon
must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his
household well.’ (1 Tim. 3:8-9,12)
When the church in Ephesus was going
through a phase in its life in which it had been infiltrated by several strands
of false teaching and practice, the apostle Paul sent his apostolic co-worker
and son in the faith, Timothy, to this church to deal with its internal
problems (1 Tim. 1:3).
If the church is a family of families, and
if the home is a microcosm of the church, statements these which are both true,
then the spiritual health of a local church cannot rise any higher than the
all-round health of the families which make it up. Much as a barometer, undealt-with problems in
marriage and family life in the home affect the spiritual health of the church,
and can sometimes even spill over overtly into the life of the church. Some of
the problems in the life of the church in Ephesus seem to have been caused by
the influence on believers’ lives of an extreme Greek-Roman form of what we
would today call ‘feminism’ which was being propounded and embraced at that
time. This was affecting the marriages
of believers, and confusing the roles of both husbands and wives at home, and in
consequence it was then affecting the inner life of the church community. Timothy was sent to Ephesus to address
and deal with this error.
In this first epistle to Timothy, Paul
engages in what is known as ‘task theology,’ meaning the application of
theological truth to areas of church life as a corrective to error. He
gives much advice and counsel to Timothy on approaching this challenging situation.
In the verses above, we can see Paul’s
well-known list of qualifications expected of men who would be elders of a
church. The two lists of qualifications for the offices of elder and
deacon are very similar. They can be divided into four basic categories:
1.
such a man
should hold to the deep truths of the faith, i.e. he ought to be well grounded
in the faith, rather than being a recent convert;
2.
he should be
faithfully married, or as the Greek literally expresses it a ‘one-woman man’;
3.
he should
have proven himself as a husband and father who can manage his own family well
and whose children behave respectfully and obediently. If he cannot
manage his own family properly, then a priori he cannot be expected to
oversee a church congregation, since this is essentially a family of
families. One part of an elder’s role is to occasionally mentor and
counsel younger adult men in their domestic role as husbands and fathers;
4.
he should be
a man of proven and demonstrated spiritual character.
Another point we could
add into this list derives from the use of the Greek noun presbuteros
which is used of elders in the similar passage in Titus 1:5-9. Whereas
the noun episkopos used in 1 Timothy 3:2 has the practicalities of
oversight in focus, presbuteros refers simply to a man who is senior and
older in age, implying therefore that an elder should be a mature adult who has
learned the ways of wisdom in life. Similarly, we could also add in the apostle Peter’s use of
the Greek verb poimainein in 1 Peter 5:1-4 which refers to elders as
shepherds, therefore bringing into focus the aspects of spiritual care and
nourishment in an elder’s role towards church members.
Such was Paul’s expectation of men who
would seek to serve or be appointed to oversee in a church congregation.
In his task theology, one of Paul’s corrective measures for the problems in the
church in Ephesus was to make
sure that men of the right calibre were leading it.
He was hoping that Timothy would be able to find men in this church who
reflected such a level of character growth in their Christian life.
For Paul, therefore, the essential
training ground for church eldership is the home, because the family home is a
microcosm of the larger community of the church. A father is the elder and shepherd of
his family. Although much can and should be learned
within the context of the ongoing life and ministry of a local church, of
course, becoming a successful husband and father is ultimately learned in
the pressure cooker of daily life in the home.
However, this is not to be seen as an end in itself. Success in
the home as a husband and father can lead to public recognition and the affirmation
of other believers in the form of being assigned to position and responsibility
in the life of the church.
Paul’s list of characteristics above from
1 Timothy ch.3 is essentially about the development of spiritual character. Demonstrated and proven moral character has an intrinsic authority
which influences people for good. Hence the questions: What is the man like? How does he manage his home? How does he live in terms of applying
biblical principles to his life? Our
understanding therefore is that developing such elements of spiritual character
in their life ought to be the aim of every Christian husband and father as he
gradually matures into a man of God. This is the expected biblical standard for their life, both in
the home and in the church.
Hence, as far as husbands and fathers are
concerned, we are talking about developing spiritual character in action.
The characteristics listed in 1 Timothy, Titus and 1 Peter (together with
Ephesians 5:25 and Ephesians 6:4/Colossians 3:21) touch on both ‘being’ and ‘doing’,
i.e. what we are within ourselves in our spiritual character, and how we behave
and act outwardly. Furthermore, they are presented to us in both positive
and negative forms, i.e what we are and what we aren’t, and, what we do and we
don’t do. Table 15.9 below gathers these
characteristics together and groups them into several categories:
|
Positively
|
Negatively
|
|||
|
The faith
|
Marriage and home
|
Spiritual character (what he is)
|
What he does not do
|
|
|
holds to the deep truths of the faith able to teach
|
a faithfully married man loves his wife manages his home and family well feeds the flock (his family) does not exasperate or embitter his children,
instead he brings them up in the training and instruction of the Lord
|
an example to the flock above reproach temperate self-controlled not easily angered worthy of respect sincere hospitable gentle upright holy self-disciplined has a good reputation with outsiders
|
is not violent does not quarrel is not given to much wine and drunkenness is not a lover of money and does not pursue
dishonest gain
|
|
Table 15.9
Towards maturity of spiritual character
This table certainly gives us as men a lot
to chew on. It can seem daunting and perhaps make us feel completely
inadequate, because these characteristics certainly do not all magically appear
in our life overnight. They take time, perhaps a lot of time, to develop,
so this is very much a journey of growth over time and through many experiences
into maturity of Christian character. I
do not think that any Christian man would ever claim to be the ideal, perfect
and finished product, so we therefore need to view these characteristics as an
ongoing aim and goal by which we can continually encourage and exhort
ourselves. We should see ourselves as being on a slow but sure journey
of inward transformation, aiming for the goal, rather than seeing these
characteristics as a legalistic standard by which we should constantly judge and
condemn ourselves. That would simply make ourselves feel utterly
inadequate and unworthy.
Each specific item needs meditation, prayer
and discussion as to how it applies practically to our life. It is good
to revisit this table every now and then much as a checklist, in order to
measure our growth and see how we are matching up to each item. We will then be encouraged as we see them
developing and growing in our life. Central
to such meditation, prayer and discussion is how do we as men, as husbands and
fathers, practically apply the teaching of the word of God to our life, so that
we can see these aspects of spiritual character developing in us?
The aim of Paul’s words here is
transformational: learning how to be a faithful husband and keep our marriage
together through every challenge; learning how to manage our children in love
and discipline as they grow and go through all of the different (and sometimes challenging)
phases of growth, and in particular how to mentor our sons into adulthood; to
forsake alcohol; to earn our money honestly; to get to know and understand the
deep truths of the faith and to apply them to our life; learning to live above
reproach and with integrity, and so on.
None of this is simplistic or easy.
So, as husbands and fathers, I believe that it is critical that we do not walk
alone in isolation as men in the faith. The all-round demands on us and
the challenges that we face in daily life, at work, at home and in the family,
are such that we all have many questions and areas we may well be struggling
in. We all need help from time to time, and we all need the encouragement
of our brethren and the mentoring of older godly men who have walked these
paths before us. The items in the table therefore provide ideal material
for open, honest and practical discussion, whether one-on-one privately with
our pastor, with our church leaders, or in men’s groups.
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