‘Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays
attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the
witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith
with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and in spirit they are his. And why one?
Because he was seeking godly offspring.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife
of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says
the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as
well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not
break faith.’ (Mal. 2:13-16)
God used the prophet
Malachi to put his finger on several problems that were emerging in Israelite
society in his particular generation – around BC 440, some one hundred years or
so after the Jews started to return from the Babylonian captivity. One of these social problems was that many
men/husbands in particular were starting to not treat their marriage and their
wife with the seriousness, respect and care which these deserved. As the above verses tell us, domestic
violence was becoming widespread, and divorce was beginning to be seen as an
‘easy option.’ Dominating husbands were
breaking faith with the wife of their youth, their partner in the covenant of
marriage, and abandoning them. Using
them for a while and then throwing them away.
No doubt this problem was a factor contributing to the emergence of the
Hillel school which taught that a man could divorce his wife for any and every
reason (cf. Matt. 19:3).
We can see in this
passage that God tells this generation of Israelites
that he hates divorce (2:16). In their
efforts to discourage divorce, some believers and Bible teachers misconstrue
these words to mean that God is saying that he hates divorced people. However, such an interpretation – and it is
indeed wrong! – simply produces a guilt complex among believers who have been
through a divorce for whatever reason.
This attitude then makes them feel rejected by churches and unwelcome in
the midst, adding further layers of pain and disappointment to their already grieved
hearts. Those who are hurting end up
hurt even more!
No!
What God is saying in this verse is that he hates divorce because of the
effects that it has on the partners concerned.
It rips apart the soul bond that has been created between two people,
deeply wounding both of their hearts, and it brings no end of disruption for
them in dealing with the practical consequences which follow, especially if
there are children involved.
Furthermore, it then leaves both partners bereft of the support in life
that having a covenant partner can bring.
And God knows this. As we saw in a previous blog, he himself
experienced what it was to give himself in covenant with the Jewish people,
only for the Israelites of the northern kingdom in particular to completely dishonour
this covenant. Their intransigent and
wilful unfaithfulness in their unrepentant spiritual adultery with the
surrounding nations, eventually brought him to the point where he really had no
alternative but to separate himself from them, even after giving them many
warnings through the prophets. The two
could no longer agree, so they ultimately had to go their separate ways (Amos
3:3). So God issued them with a
certificate of divorce and sent them away from their land into exile among the nations that they craved to be like (cf. Jer.
3:8,14). And
what’s more he never brought these Israelites of the northern kingdom back to
their land. The pathos and anguish of
God’s heart for these people in this failing covenant is expressed openly in
the book of Hosea. So God himself knows
what the deep heart pain of divorce feels like, and this is why he hates it: he
has been through it.
In the social culture
of my wife’s nation, over many centuries they have developed a concept called besa. Besa is akin to the biblical concept
of covenant, and it involves giving an oath to someone over a particular
matter. Hence, when two parties enter
into (or join) besa with each other, then, no matter what difficulties
come their way, and no matter how much time has passed since they took their
oath, these two people remain committed to each other in the issue over which besa
was made. It is very much an unbreakable
oath. Indeed, the redemptive
significance of besa can be seen in the fact the ‘Old Testament’ and
‘New Testament’ are called in their language literally ‘The Old Joining of Besa’
and ‘The New Joining of Besa.’
Therefore, in their culture, marriage is seen very much as a form of besa. This helps to understand why, although
divorce does happen in their country, yet it is a far less common occurrence
than it is in western countries. Couples
are kept together because of their commitment to the underlying covenant of besa. The promise of the marriage vow is seen as
intended to be kept, not broken!
It is important to
distinguish between the underlying covenant involved in marriage, and simply
being committed as a male in relationship to a female and vice versa. It is easy to make the mistake of conflating
these two things. When a couple get
married, they are not simply ‘committing themselves to each other,’ they are
also at the same time forming a covenant with each other and taking vows to
seal this covenant. The covenant
is the underlying foundation upon which they commit themselves to each other;
the latter follows and is built upon the former. So in marriage, I am committed to a covenant
not simply to a person.
The recognition
of the significance of the underlying concept of covenant is therefore crucial
to sustaining and saving a marriage relationship. Too often, and certainly in the west, when a
couple are having major problems in their relationship for whatever reasons,
their tendency is invariably to focus on the seemingly intractable issues they
are facing, and they lose sight of the fact that they are still in covenant
with one another. Or else they simply
renounce their covenant, because they think that they cannot work their issues
through, and they break up with all the heartache and consequences which
follow.
However, it is the
underlying concept of covenant which gives strength of foundation to a marriage
relationship. It is what binds a couple
together and therefore it can keep them together, especially in difficult or
challenging times. When one partner is
on the verge of breaking up, for whatever reason, and no longer has the inner
strength to cope with life with their partner, then it is covenant which can
give them the resilience and fortitude to continue. The problems that they go through do
not change the fact that they are in covenant together.
Why is this? It is because if two people understand aright
the underlying covenant, then it should have taught them both several things,
such as the following for example:
·
Being committed to covenant helps each partner to trust that the
other will never betray or abandon them.
They will never leave nor forsake each another (Heb. 13:5). And even more than just that, it means they
will always be there for each other.
·
The inward spiritual binding of covenant should show both partners
that it simply is not worth breaking up.
To do so, means to destroy everything they have built up together over
the years. It also means to rip up and
deeply wound one another inwardly. They
would break each other’s hearts. It
would also deeply affect their children.
Children are always inwardly marked for life by the break-up of their
parent’s marriage. It destroys trust in
the hearts of children that marriage can actually work.
·
Covenant implies that they should not have entered into marriage
for self-centred reasons, and therefore that they cannot afford to be selfish
in their thinking or expectations of one another. It is ‘we’ and ‘us walking hand in hand
together,’ rather than ‘I’ or ‘you.’
·
If each person knows their partner is committed to their covenant,
then they have a strong basis for working issues through. They recognise an underlying commitment to
each other which is deeper than the effects that any problem may have upon
their relationship. Therefore, they
humble themselves and commit themselves to working issues through.
·
So if each partner knows that the other is committed to them in
covenant, then this implies that they ought to treat each other with the
respect that both they and their covenant together deserve. So covenant informs their behaviour towards
each other: showing affection and love, other-centredness, respect, humility,
patience, forgiveness, willingness to listen, learning to understand one
another, taking responsibility for one’s actions and words, being willing to
work with oneself and change when and where necessary, and so on.
·
Covenant teaches them that they have given themselves completely
to one another, and therefore, regardless of what they may face together in
life, they continue together because they can get through it together. Both in times of good health and in times of
sickness; both in affluent times, and in times of lack, etc.
·
Covenant teaches them both that they can and should fight together
both for themselves and for each other.
They are in this together, so they should understand and support one
another through everything.
·
Covenant teaches each partner that they should recognise and
honour the commitment that the other has made to them. If she has committed herself irrevocably to
me, then I should reciprocate that depth of commitment to her and not betray
that deep trust she has placed in me, and vice versa.
THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978,
1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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