Copyright © 2025 Michael A. Brown
The table below gives a general
contour of the various phases of parenting as a child grows. Please note the following:
·
These
various phases outline only the main points in a child’s growth. There are undoubtedly others that could be
added.
·
The
phases are distinct in the experience of parenting, but every child is unique
in terms of its own development, so the ages given for the phases are therefore
only guidelines: some children develop more quickly or more slowly than
others. The phases indicate only the
general trend of growth: some of the developmental characteristics may occur in
an earlier or later phase for some children.
·
For
Christian parents, the wider family context will be one of faith, the word of
God, prayer, and a child’s nurture in the things of God and in the life of a
local church.
·
The
basic needs of every child are three-fold:
o a stable home environment in which to develop and thrive;
o parental love, affection and affirmation, and
o
firm
discipline in the context of ongoing, committed relationship.
|
Phase |
Major developmental characteristics and needs of the child |
Role
and responsibilities of parents |
|
0
– c3.5 years |
highly
dependent weaned learns
basic physical coordination &
toilet self-control learns
to feed itself learns
to stand and walk by itself learns
to speak and communicate learns
through play needs
to begin to learn boundaries initial
socialising siblings? SEND? |
24-7
care life
revolves around the child weariness
& occasional irritation with partner develop
resilience mutual
support needed take
turns while the other partner rests sustain
your marriage establish
basic boundaries for the child teach
basic words parents
need the mentoring of other parents encourage child bonding with blood relatives |
|
c3.5
– 4.5 years pre-nursery
to start of school |
learns
by imitation and repetition needs to become grounded in basic social skills through socialising and interacting with others needs
to understand and keep basic boundaries initial
reading & writing basic
self-care skills often
has siblings |
parents
freer during the day need
to model required behaviour continue
with basic boundaries establish
parental authority & practise discipline teach
basic self-care & social skills read
and write numbers and alphabet read
to and with the child |
|
c5
– c13 years start
school until puberty |
learns to function without constant parental oversight an area of hobby interest or natural talent may appear the
reading bug takes hold joins
clubs mixes with many other children different to self forms
friendships experiences both positive and negative aspects of relationships further
develops social skills bullying?
prejudice? imitates their peers, including learning bad habits and bad language further develops physical coordination (e.g. swimming, riding a bike) needs
to develop discipline in learning needs
to learn to do simple household chores sibling
rivalry? |
family life becomes more settled with its own rhythm and routines, arranged around parents’ work and the children’s regular school cycle encourage reading, hobbies and natural talents parent becomes supporter, encourager and counsellor the child must interact with other children to continue to develop social skills: isolation backfires & leads to lack of development set boundaries and standards expected and keep to these yourself place parental controls on the internet, and avoid giving them a mobile phone make sure they do homework and reach the various academic targets and levels address
and weed out bad habits teach
basic household chores child
to take responsibility for self-care my advice: don’t let them do sleep overs in friends’ homes |
|
c13+
– 16/18 years puberty
to end of school |
develops
natural talents and emerging interests,
hobbies taken up hormones
kick in growth
spurt & physical changes attracted
to opposite sex lacks self-confidence but defiant and verbal, desires adult independence but is still very immature (a strange mix!) goes
out more on their own mentoring: needs regular interaction with parent of same sex tendency
to be lazy, but needs to sleep more needs to learn to be responsible by making their own bed, and doing chores around the home learn
stewardship in finances dangers: tempted to experiment with substances and with sex; may get addicted to mobile phone, internet and view inappropriate material |
challenging
phase needs
a tight rein negotiate
and adjust boundaries, but keep
to standards expected mentoring focus
on educational attainment continue to encourage hobbies, talents and skills teach basic practical housewifery/husbandry skills watch
the danger areas instilling
wisdom v. commanding insist on learning self-care and responsibility, esp. doing chores teach
financial stewardship teach
them to cook watch
the danger areas:
teenage relationships and internet behaviour can sometimes be highly toxic |
|
c18
– 25 years early
adulthood |
finding their feet in the adult world (initially insecure) begins
to have financial independence travels
on their own learns
adult knowledge & skills (e.g.
driving, workplace training & skills, university study) may move away from home for the first time often meets life partner & may become a parent empty
nest |
maintain
freshness of relationship with kids (now adult-to-younger-adult and much more enjoyable) create
new family activities which everyone enjoys develop
interest in each other’s hobbies mentoring, encouraging, esp. in relationships and workplace issues keep
the family together as paths diverge deal with any longer-term consequences of child’s failure in danger areas be responsible as a grandparent you are a couple alone together again, find new purpose and vision for your relationship |
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