Copyright © 2026 Michael A. Brown
‘Then God said, “Let us make man in our
own image…” So God created man in his
own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.’ (Gen.
1:26-27)
‘And the two will become one flesh… So they are no longer two, but one… This is a profound mystery…’ (Gen. 2:24,
Matt. 19:6, Eph. 5:32)
I am sure that most, if not all those
reading this blog are familiar with the account of creation which is related to
us in Genesis chs.1-2. When God created
the man, Adam, he lived in close relationship with him, walking and talking
with him regularly. God set him to care
for the garden and to keep it in order, as well as bringing the different
animals to him to see what he would call them (Gen. 2:7-8,15,19-20; 3:8). So, even before Eve was created, the man Adam
had a primary intrinsic need to live in close fellowship with God, and he had a
God-given instinct to enjoy a daily working life.
However, as we know, this proved to be
insufficient to fully meet the man’s inner needs. In his heart, he felt alone and incomplete: something
which was essential to his ongoing well-being seemed to be missing. As a human, he was not whole. God recognised this, and his verdict
was that it was not good for the man to be alone.
He therefore proceeded to create a woman,
Eve, who would be a companion for the man and ‘a helper suitable for him’
(Gen. 2:18,20-24). Self-evidently, the
woman was created similarly with a primary intrinsic need to live in close
fellowship with God (Gen. 3:8), and she also had a God-given instinct to relate
to the man as his companion. Because she
was created for the man, then she too would feel alone and incomplete without
him. She would only be whole by being in
union with him.
God put Adam into a deep sleep, and formed
Eve from a part of his side (Gen. 2:21-23).
So Eve was ‘made out of the same stuff’ as Adam and, in general terms,
she bore many similarities to him.
However, she was also formed by God to be a unique being in her own
right with many differences to Adam. So
the male and the female bore many similarities, and yet at the
same time they were each uniquely created by God with many contrasts
to each other. Furthermore, the fact
that Eve was made secretly by God without Adam being consciously present,
suggests that she had a make-up which was unknown to Adam and which
was therefore a mystery to him.
And the opposite is also true: Adam would have been very much a mystery
to Eve.
God then brought Eve to Adam and gave her
to him, and these two people then stood face to face as two similar and yet
contrasting human beings, whose make-up was mutually unknown and mysterious to
each other (Gen. 2:21-22). This
union of male and female was intended by God to be a mutual blessing for both
of them, and it was God’s ideal setting for procreation and the bringing up of
children (Gen. 1:28, 2:24).
In vv.18,20, the Hebrew word ezer
translated as ‘help’ or ‘helper’ simply means ‘one who helps or aids another to
do what they cannot do for themselves.’
So the woman was created to help, support and encourage the man. This is emphasised by the apostle Paul when
he said that ‘In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is
man independent of woman.’ (1 Cor. 11:11).
This suggests the concepts of interdependency and mutual
help, and so the man would also help, support and encourage the
woman. God also describes himself as our
ezer: ‘an ever-present help in trouble.’ (Ps. 46:1).
In v.20, the Hebrew word neged
which is translated as ‘suitable for him’ (NIV) or ‘meet for him’ (AV) refers
to a counterpart to oneself, i.e. something (or in this case, someone) who
stands boldly in front of or opposite to oneself. This word clearly suggests contrast
between the male and female, and at the same time the concept of being a
counterpart suggests complementarity between them. Furthermore, the fact that God says in verses
1:26-27 above that the male and female were created in the image of God, when
taken together with these concepts of contrast and complementarity, suggests
the idea of completeness when male and female are joined
together. They come together to form a
new whole which did not exist before. The
image of God in human life is therefore only partially revealed in either male
or female: it is most fully expressed when male and female are joined as one in
covenant union and walk together in Christ (cf. Matt. 19:6).
Summary of
these concepts
For the sake of clarity, I have summarised
these concepts below:
·
The union of male and female forms a new whole, a
new social unit.
·
companions: the male and female were
created to be companions together.
·
similarity and contrast: the
male and female are similar and yet different to each other.
·
mystery: the make-up of the male
and female is unknown to each other, so indicating a mystery to be discovered
when living in union together.
·
counterpart and complementarity:
the male and female fit well together to form a new whole.
·
completeness: the male and female are
only complete as humans when they come into union with each other. This union is intended to be a blessing for
both of them.
·
interdependence and mutual
help: although they are different, the male and female need each other
and should support, strengthen and encourage one another.
·
the image of God: is
most fully revealed in human life when male and female are joined together as
one.
· the union between male and female is God’s ideal setting for procreation and the bringing up of children.
The mystery:
companionship – contrast – complementarity – interdependency – completeness
The
apostle Paul calls this covenant union of two people in one, forming a new
social unit through marriage and becoming a whole together, a ‘profound
mystery.’ He applies this description to
the covenant bond between a man and a woman, and also to its anti-type, vis.
the relationship between Christ and his bride, the Church (Eph. 5:31-32). He uses the Greek word μυστηριον which was
often used in reference to the inner secrets of a Greek religious cult which
were discovered and known only by those who had been initiated into that
cult. This implies that the inner
mystery of the union of marriage between male and female cannot be understood
by anyone who has never experienced it.
It can be known and understood only by those who are themselves married
(or who have been married). Furthermore,
Paul’s use of the adjective μεγα, meaning ‘great’ or ‘profound,’ suggests that
this inner mystery of the marriage relationship is not to be taken
lightly. It is not simplistic, and it
cannot be easily understood. The inner mystery of marriage is therefore that of creating
completeness and (hopefully lasting) companionship through taking complementary
contrast into union with oneself.
However, this deceptively
simple summary statement belies the depth, profundity and complexity of this
mystery. What I myself find
awe-inspiring about marriage is how two people who are and will always remain
physically separate human beings, can become one in spirit and purpose in life
as they are yoked in union together. Put
simply, how two people can become one; forming what becomes a new social unit out of two different people,
which is bound together through the intertwining of these two people at a deep,
inner soul level, and who complement each other as male and female to form the
fullness of a new whole together.
For those who think merely on a relatively superficial level, this
may seem to be a simple concept, but in the daily reality of marriage it has a
depth and comprehensiveness of meaning that can only be discovered and
appreciated through the experience of living together in committed relationship
with another person of the opposite sex over many years. And in fact, I would say myself that it can
never really be fully understood even over a lifetime of being together (let
alone explained to someone who has never experienced it!). As Paul said, now (in this present life) we
know only in part, but then (when we are in heaven) we shall know fully, even
as we are fully known (1 Cor. 13:12).
Any married couple who
are honest with themselves (and with others!) would readily admit the
complexity of the challenges that discovering this mystery can bring. Slowly getting to discover and know the real
inner nature of the person you married (whom you thought you knew quite well
before you got married!), warts ‘n’ all; learning to do life walking in yoke
together; learning to handle the frictions caused by the clashes of two
contrasting temperaments and sets of expectations; learning humility in
acknowledging and working on your own sins and mistakes; agreeing to persevere
in living with a person who may have some bad habits or may have areas in their
life which you find difficult to handle and live with, ... Need I go on?
And yet,
on the other hand, the mutual attractiveness and complementary nature of male
and female is a real blessing to every married person. The diversity of the differing sets of
talents and life-skills of each partner, their accumulated knowledge and wisdom
in how to do life, their different perspectives as male and female, and their
differing temperaments, when integrated together bring a real richness of
blessing to each other. Each
partner is empowered by and gains much from the other. They
can draw on each other’s strengths; they can compensate for each other’s
weaknesses; they can carry and support each other in times of need, and they
can learn from each other’s perspectives and grow in all-round wisdom in
life. There are many, many ways in which
this can be illustrated. For example,
how many couples have discovered that the wife often needs her husband’s
perspective on budgeting and prioritising in the use of household
finances? How many women have little or no idea how cars work or how to
fix problems with them, and so it’s often the husband who deals with this
area? And by contrast, how many husbands
have profited from their wife’s female perspective when it comes to personal
hygiene, cleanliness, diet, dress sense or household décor? How many men benefit from their wife’s
intuitive understanding of relational dynamics?
This complementary nature of male and female displays its richness and
synergistic power in the most powerful way as they bring up children
together. Each partner plays a different
role and invests in different ways in their children’s lives, but the combined
skills, wisdom and experience of both the male and the female are necessary and
essential to be able to form and produce healthy young adults.
This synergy and blessing of complementarity are
also displayed if a couple are called into ministry together. The totality of the integration and combined
operation of their individual talents, skills and spiritual gifts not only
means that they strengthen and complement each other in ministry, it also means
that their ministry together to other people becomes all the more effective and
powerful. The integration and interdependence
of their spiritual gifting means that the ministry of each is enriched and
enhanced by the other’s ministry. They
each partake in the totality of their combined gift mix. So together, God can use them to do more and
achieve more, and therefore they can become more fruitful than each of them
would be if they ministered separately or remained single.
However,
what stands out most clearly in this mystery is the contrast between male and
female. This is readily observable even
on a superficial, physical level: even though they have many similarities as
human beings, yet male and female are very different to each other. This element of contrast in the mystery of
marriage often causes tension and brings challenges in marriage relationships.
There
is far, far more to knowing and understanding one another than knowing the
simpler and more superficial differences between male and female. For a woman to think that she understands men
simply because she understands the basic physical appetites of a male in terms
of food and sex, is to have understood only the surface of the make-up of males,
and not to have delved any deeper.
Similarly, for a man to think that he understands women simply because
he understands that they talk a lot and express their emotions, like to dress
up and look good, or like to go shopping and spend money, is again to have done
little more than read the surface of female life. This is kindergarten stuff that anyone can
understand quite easily!
The
many and varied ways in which male and female are different to and contrast
with each other can often lead to frustrations and tensions between a
couple. Many of these tensions,
certainly in the early years of marriage, come about simply because the couple
have not yet discovered each other to the depth needed to understand these
differences, and therefore to respond or act appropriately.
For
example, one very simple but wrong presupposition of either partner is to treat
their partner as though they are of the same sex as themself, unconsciously and
without knowing that they are doing this.
So the wife may instinctively try to protect her husband in situations
when he feels absolutely in control and confident, and does not need his wife
to help or protect him at all. On the
other hand, the man may not yet have understood the limitations of his wife’s
physical strength, and may therefore unconsciously expect more of her than he
should in any given situation.
As
another example, the tension between work and relationship is something that
every couple has to sort through. The
husband may make the mistake of devoting so much time to his work that he
begins to neglect his relationship with his wife which may then become cold, or
vice-versa the wife may not yet have understood her husband’s God-given
instinct to work, and may demand that he spend so much time with her that he
cannot achieve what he feels he needs to get done, and in consequence he
becomes frustrated and irritated.
I
often tell young couples when I am speaking at their marriage ceremony that
they must both put and keep L-plates on.
Success in marriage is very much something that is learned in the
process of living together daily over the long-term. Marriage is a call to learn. The biggest challenge of the mystery of
marriage is for the male to come to know and understand the female in her inner
nature and her needs, as God created her, and vice-versa for the female to come
to know and understand the male in his inner nature and needs, as God created
him.
Furthermore,
if marriage is a call to learn, it is also therefore a call to adjust and
adapt oneself to one’s partner, and therefore a call to be willing to change
oneself where and when necessary.
The unwillingness to adjust, adapt and change oneself, due to ignorance,
stubbornness or pride, is one of the main causes of resentment building up
within a marriage relationship. Note
that I stress here the need for each partner to be willing to adjust, adapt and
change themself. A mistake that many
make in the early years of marriage is to try to change their partner to
effectively make him/her conform to their preconceived expectations of what
their marriage partner should be like.
This amounts to wanting to re-create their partner in their own image,
and it ultimately leads to nothing but vexation and arguments between the
couple.
Table 10.1 below lists some of
the basic contrasts between male and female.
Although there are many more, of course, those that are listed highlight
the fact that important differences do exist.
Some of them are clearly complementary.
Every male and female needs to understand these, and to learn how to
adapt themself to living with a human being who is intrinsically different to
themself in such ways.
|
Some
basic contrasts between male and female |
|
|
Male |
Female |
|
oriented
towards work physically
stronger hormonally
more stable appearance/image
is less important functionality
– endurability less
verbal less
intuitive less
fearful risk-taker,
desires to achieve, seeks status builder
– repairer – fixer protects, provides, but encourages children to learn to fly by themselves likes
to save money buys
what he needs and moves on spends larger amounts of money when necessary aroused
by what he sees prefers
action films |
oriented
towards relationship delicate,
more fragile hormonal
mood swings every month appearance/image
is very important what
does it look like? – how does it fit? more
verbal more
intuitive, incisive more
anxious seeks
security, more cautious nest-maker nurtures
– care-giver – protective likes
to spend money browsing
– window shopping spends
smaller amounts of money more frequently aroused
by what she feels prefers
romantic films |
Table 10.1
Some basic contrasts between male and female
The
unfolding of the mystery: knowing and being known
In the new covenant, our relationship as
believers with Christ is grounded in the intimacy of our spiritual union with
him. As we learn to spend
regular quality time with him, and live in obedience to him, we slowly get to
know him more and more, in his character, in his ways and in his will for our
life, and, vice versa, every part of our own inner life also becomes uncovered
and known by him. He searches us and
knows our heart (Ps. 139:1). Nothing is
hidden from his sight: everything is uncovered and laid bare before him (cf.
Heb. 4:12). We become increasingly
aware that we are known by him for who we really are deep down inside, and yet
we are not rejected, rather we are fully accepted and loved by him. As we are uncovered ever more fully before
him, through the abundance of his grace and love towards us we experience inner
cleansing and healing, and we are brought into ever-increasing wholeness. In
fact, as we mature in our relationship with him, we actively desire increasing
conformity to his will in our life, and our prayer becomes more and more that
of the psalmist: ‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know
my anxious thoughts. See if there is any
offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.’ (Ps.
139:23-24).
The
essence of the unfolding of the mystery of marriage therefore lies in knowing
and being known in the context of a mutually committed and loving covenant
relationship: coming to know our partner intimately and ever more
fully, and likewise being known by them intimately and ever more fully. For all of us, our inner spirit, our real
self, the person we really are deep down inside, is unseen and is hidden within
the veil of our soul and our outward flesh.
In the course of daily life, we do not reveal ourselves as we really
are, freely, openly and fully to other people, so for the most part our real
inner self remains veiled and unknown by others. As Paul said, ‘For we know in part…’
(1 Cor. 13:9). However, in the union of
marriage, this veil is lifted and both partners begin to discover and slowly
get to know each other as they truly are.
No other human being will ever know us as fully or as deeply as
our spouse does. This removal of
our inner veil is typified by the removal of the bride’s veil during the
traditional western marriage ceremony.
This
is the deeper meaning underlying the well-known words in Genesis 2:25, ‘The
man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.’ The immediate context of these words refers
to physical nakedness, of course, and sexual union is certainly a central part
of marriage. However, their meaning goes
much deeper than merely being physically exposed before one another. It implies the discovering and knowing of our
partner in the depths of their being: their physical body, yes, but also their
heart, their mind, their inner being in its fullness. To know and be known by our partner as
we really are, and yet be fully accepted and loved, without being rejected or
judged. Our inner person becomes
slowly but increasingly laid bare, naked and exposed to our partner, and vice
versa, as we get to truly know one another ever more fully.
This
is therefore a call for each partner to be willing to work at their
relationship and not to take it for granted: to keep learning; to be willing to
adapt, to change and to deal with oneself where necessary, and to grow into
real adult maturity together. This is
especially true when they become aware of each other’s sinful nature, when they
discover areas in which they are very different, when they have disagreements,
and when they discover things about their partner that they do not particularly
like or that they may find difficult to live with. In such areas, a couple need to learn to walk
in God’s love, patience, forgiveness, humility and grace towards each other.
So as the
covenant union of the marriage relationship is lived out in daily life as a
three-fold cord, with God permeating and animating this union with his divine
presence and grace, a couple have the joy and privilege of walking together
over their lifetime in a challenging, but blessed, enjoyable and often
delightful journey of discovery: to discover the as-yet-unknown mysteries of
the inner life of their partner, and thereby come to know and understand them
ever more fully; to come to understand, appreciate and adapt to the intrinsic
differences between male and female, and yet remain committed to living in
union together; to grow and mature in Christ together; and, to learn to
appreciate the wisdom of God in expressing the fullness of his image not in an
individual, but in the contrast, complementarity and completeness of a couple
bound in union together as one.
Headship and submission
1. The
destructive effects of western feminism
There were many women who were involved
ministry in different ways in both Old and New Testaments. The word of
God clearly affirms the role of women in ministry. We see them involved
in prophetic ministry, as deacons, in giving practical support to those who are
involved in ministry, as house church leaders, as one half of a ministering
couple, and so on.
However, there is NOTHING, nothing at all
in the New Testament to support the concept of a Christian woman being the head
of the home. Such a concept is completely absent, there is no evidence to
support it, it is simply not there. The husband is the head of his wife,
even as Christ is the head of the Church, and therefore he carries God-given
responsibility as the head, leader and overseer of the home.
When we look closely at the Fall as
recorded in Genesis ch.3, to put it simply and perhaps bluntly as someone once did, either the
man is the head and carries his responsibility to oversee and lead his wife, or
else by default Satan becomes their head. When the woman tried to lead
and the man simply followed her passively, this led them together into error and disobedience
towards God, and as a result Satan became their head. The woman did not
become the head of the man, Satan did. To put it another way, the
alternative to male headship is not female headship, it is Satan’s
headship. The choice of head is either the man or Satan; it is
certainly not the woman.
The pernicious and deceptive lies of
western feminism, vis. that women can be independent adults who do not
need men, that women can prioritise long-term career jobs over childbearing and
homemaking, that women can do everything men can do if not better, and that
women can dominate and rule over their husband in the home, has led to chaotic,
toxic and highly destructive consequences in domestic family life.
It has resulted in many women who are
overworked, exhausted, lonely, unfulfilled and stressed out, who end up on the
wrong side of their biological clock either still single and with no marriage
and children of their own; or struggling in vain to balance motherhood and a
career which demands long hours at work; or as struggling single mums who have
to try to fulfil both domestic parental roles, which is impossible.
In parallel to this, it has resulted in
the widespread undermining of the role of the husband and father. Many
men have become passive and emasculated, they do not know who they are anymore
or what they are supposed to do. So they are unable to fulfil their
God-given role in marriage and the home. They feel unappreciated,
disrespected and disposable, and end up unhappy, wounded, embittered, disillusioned,
switched-off, withdrawn and broken.
To compound this, and in some measure to
enable it, there has been, and still is, an endless and tragic number of viable
unborn foetuses murdered merely for the sake of self-centred personal
convenience (a major factor contributing to plummeting birthrates in western
nations). Sexual relationships have become utilitarian. There is a
deep lack of trust and mutual fear between men and women. Divorce rates
are sky-high. There are huge numbers of single-parent homes, and in
consequence significantly higher incidences of children/teenagers who have
serious educational, relational and social problems.
2. God’s order in the union
So an aspect of the mystery of the
marriage union which invariably causes tension and misunderstanding between Christian
couples (particularly in the west) is that of the headship of the male/husband
and the submission of the female/wife.
This is clearly and inescapably taught by Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33 (and
also in other passages such as 1 Corinthians 11:3,8-9,11-12 and 1 Timothy
2:11-15). Just as Christ is the head of
the Church, the husband is the head of the wife, and the wife ought to respect
and submit to the husband in the same way that the Church respects and submits
to Christ (Eph. 5:22-24,33).
Firstly, we should note that such
passages are addressed to Christian believers, not to unbelievers. They are not an expression of some kind of
patriarchal cultural expectation in which a man dominates and rules over his
wife, subjugating her into being little more than a domestic servant who has
little or no freedom to develop herself, as modern-day western feminists would
have us believe. There is no room here for men to
take these passages and use them to reinforce a cultural expectation of domineering
male authority over their wife. No, these
passages are an expression of God’s order for a Christian married couple.
Secondly, the passage in Ephesians
5:22-33 teaches that Christian marriage is a type of the relationship between
Christ and his bride, the Church. So to
understand Paul’s thinking in this passage, we need to begin with our
relationship with Christ. Our
relationship with him is grounded in mutual love. We love him, because he first loved us. We give him our heart and our life, because
he gave his heart and his life selflessly and sacrificially for us. We follow him and obey him, because we love
him, and for no other motive (cf. John 14:23).
We respect him, we submit ourself to him, and we follow him as our head,
because he leads us well in his vision for our life. He has proven himself trustworthy on so many
occasions in our life. He keeps his
promises towards us in meeting our needs; he feeds us and cares for us. In response, we honour our union with him by
living for him in a way that pleases him: we cleanse ourself daily, washing
ourself with the water of his word, and making ourself radiant, holy and
blameless.
Thirdly, this passage is therefore a
call to husbands to fulfil their responsibility in becoming the loving and
godly leader they need to be within the marriage and home. I believe that this is at the heart of the
tension within this passage. Too many
Christian husbands do not recognise or accept God’s call on them to become the
responsible leader that they need to be.
They ignore or abdicate their responsibility (perhaps out of a feeling
of inadequacy?), and they do not grow and mature spiritually as they
ought. In fact, they often lag behind
their wife in terms of knowing the word of God, and their comparative spiritual
growth and maturity.
Such lack of taking responsibility and lack
of spiritual growth then makes it difficult for Christian wives to ‘submit
to their husbands in everything’ (v.24).
How can she be expected to submit to someone who does not grow as he
should and does not lead responsibly?
How can a believer who is less spiritually mature lead a believer who is
more spiritually mature? Furthermore,
biblical headship is not a form of domineering domestic dictatorship which
demands subjugation, and neither is it a male right which husbands can claim
simply because this passage says they are the head, while at the same time they
are not stepping up to lead as they should.
Headship is a call to meaningful spiritual growth, and to oversee,
manage and lead responsibly.
When a Christian husband gives himself
fully and sacrificially, when he leads responsibly, when he grows spiritually
as he ought and becomes the head that God has purposed him to be, and when he
loves, provides and cares for his wife and family as he ought, then I do not
believe that his wife will have any problem with submission. She will love and follow him just as the
Church follows Christ, as I outlined above.
She will fulfil her God-given role as her husband’s ezer, his
helper who is there to support, strengthen and encourage him. I have heard many Christian wives say over
the years that they would have no problem in submitting to their husbands, if
their husbands themselves would love them sacrificially in the same way that
Christ loved the Church, and if they would step up to the mark and become the
responsible spiritual leaders that they ought to be in the home.
Fourthly, this passage allows no place
in Christian marriage for the kind of self-centred, domineering and defiant
attitude on the part of women/wives which modern western feminism espouses. Paul did not allow Christian women to usurp
authority over their husband (1 Tim. 2:11-12).
As I outlined above, over the last several decades, western feminism has
proven to be more widely destructive to the health of marriage and home in its
own way than the kind of male-dominated patriarchalism which it deconstructed
and attempted to replace. Paul’s
teaching on headship and submission in this passage represents an expression of
God’s loving intent for a couple the aim of which can be achieved only when
both partners are willing to recognise, understand and accept what God’s word
teaches them as individuals. If we are believers, and we say we want to
submit to and follow Christ in our life, then, for a wife, obedience to him means practising submission
to your husband, and, for a husband, it means loving your wife as Christ loves
the Church.
Fifthly, this passage should not be
separated from the wider context of complementarity and interdependence that is
discussed above. By God’s order in
creation, husband and wife complete each other and they are interdependent on
one another, so Paul’s teaching on submission within a Christian marriage
should be interpreted within this wider context. To do otherwise simply runs the risk of the
husband becoming overly dominant and the wife thereby becoming passive and
unhappy, and this is certainly not Paul’s intent. Moreover, the teaching in v.22 that wives
should submit to their husbands, is given in the immediate context of the more
general counsel in v.21 that as believers we should submit to one another out
of reverence for Christ. In fact, the
word for ‘submit’ is missing from some Greek manuscripts in v.22, and this
strengthens the understanding that Paul’s teaching on submission in v.22 flows
from that in v.21. So the fact that
Christian wives are expected to submit to their husbands, does not absolve
husbands (as believers) from mutual submission to their wives. Submission does not imply that the wife is
somehow inferior to or less smart than her husband. In fact, in some ways, she may well be both smarter
and wiser! In a marriage
relationship, the issue of headship and submission is a matter of regulating order
within this social unit which is made up of two people, with the intention of
avoiding confusion, ungodly disorder and the repetitive clash of two human
wills. Paul applies this same
principle of regulating order also to the wider household structure (cf. Eph.
6:1-9, Col. 3:18 – 4:1).
When he says that wives should submit
to their husbands ‘in everything’ (v.24), Paul is addressing the heart attitude
of women/wives (in terms of potential defiance), rather than suggesting that
men/husbands should see themselves as the decision-maker in every single aspect
of daily life in marriage and home. For
me, that would be absurd! It would
assume that the husband’s understanding of situations is always complete and correct
and, taken to its logical end, it would effectively render wives passive. No, there are many situations in daily life in
the home in which wives are able to make decisions, and they should be
encouraged to do so. God created them as
nurturers, natural caregivers and nest-makers.
Furthermore, are women not more relationally intuitive than men? Yes, they are. Have they also not gained much wisdom in adult
life? Yes, of course. Is a man’s understanding or grasp of a
situation ever complete or perfect?
Rarely, if ever. Has not God
given the wife as a help to her husband?
Yes, he has. And is man
independent of woman in the Lord?
No. Therefore, a husband is wise
if he listens to his wife and takes into account her point of view and her
counsel when discussing situations and making decisions. That’s simply teamwork, pulling together, and
every couple needs to do it. In practice,
married couples therefore need to find a working balance between verses 21 and
24. There are many choices and decisions
in marriage and home life which can happily and freely be taken by the wife or
by the couple together.
However, when it comes to decisions
regarding the strategic direction of family life, or recognising when God is calling
them in ministry, or causing them to take a new direction perhaps involving a
geographical move, for example, then it is important that the husband be the
one to make the final decision, and the wife should follow him, since ultimate
responsibility for fulfilling God’s call, and for the care and well-being of the
family, rests on his shoulders as the head, not on hers. Men will happily be responsible to bear the
consequences of their decisions, but not necessarily any decisions into which
they felt pressured by their wife.
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