15.4 A Passive Father, A Deceiving Mother, A Godless Son and a Mummy's Boy


Copyright © 2026 Michael A. Brown


Reading: Genesis 25:19-34, 27:1 – 28:10

The story of how Jacob inherited the blessing of the firstborn from his father Isaac, related to us in Genesis 27:1-40, is often misunderstood by those who read this passage perhaps superficially and fail to understand all of the related dynamics going on in this family.  The conclusion reached by such a superficial reading is quite commonplace, vis. that Jacob was a deceiver who tricked his elder non-identical twin brother Esau out of the blessing.  This thinking confuses many believers and causes them to doubt the spiritual character of the patriarch Jacob right from the start of his own journey in adult life, and to feel sorry for Esau.

In order to gain a better and more accurate understanding of what went on in this family situation, we need to read the narrative more carefully and take into account all of the detail which is related to us.

To sum it up briefly, and as this blog aims to demonstrate, it was not just Jacob who was at fault.  In fact, the four family members, Isaac, Rebekah, Esau and Jacob – all of them! – were each at fault in their own way in this situation.  Any explanation of this passage which lays the blame, or the majority of it, on Jacob, and fails to see the wider dynamics at play, displays a deficient understanding of it.

In some ways, I suppose, if we are honest with ourselves, we can see parallels between this story and occasional situations in our own family, or in other families that we know about, which may crop up from time to time.  Not in terms of the specific detail of this story, as it was a situation unique to that particular family at that time, but in general terms in situations where more than one family member, or perhaps even all of them, are at fault in what happens in a situation and for the consequences which transpire as a result, and yet one person is left to carry all the blame.  In what Scripture relates, we see ourselves and our own lives mirrored in so many ways.


The passive father and the godless son

To try to gain a more accurate understanding of this passage in Genesis 27:1-40, the best place to start is not with Jacob or Esau, but with their parents, Isaac and Rebekah.  Authority in a family rests with the parents, so the parents play a crucial role in much of what happens in the life of their family.  We will begin with the head of the family, so with Isaac, and we will look at Rebekah later on.  A father is the head of his family, and it is to him that the family members ultimately look for a sense of wisdom, guidance and right direction, especially in a time of need, crisis or of strategic change (Eph. 5:22-23).  This is his God-given responsibility.  The head of the family, certainly in a Christian home, is supposed to be a man of God, a prayerful man who knows the word of God and its principles, and who can guide and mentor his wife and children in the ways of righteousness.

Although we do not know too much detail about Isaac’s life and character, he had the privilege of inheriting God’s covenant from his own father, Abraham.  God appeared to him on two separate occasions and confirmed this covenant with him (26:2-5,23-25).  We are told that on one occasion Isaac planted crops from which he reaped a hundredfold, and he became very wealthy (26:12-14).  Most commentators think that Isaac comes across in the wider narrative as a quiet, introverted character.

Isaac married Rebekah, the sister of Laban (who was the son of Bethuel and therefore Isaac’s first cousin once removed), and they gave birth to non-identical twin brothers, Esau and Jacob (11:27-29; 24:25,29; 25:20-26).  As these twins jostled each other in her womb, Rebekah prayed and God gave her prophetic insight that these two foetuses would eventually become two separate nations, and the older (Esau) would serve the younger (Jacob) (25:21-23).  I have no doubt that Isaac and Rebekah would have had many conversations from that time on about the significance of this prophetic insight, just as any parents would.  Isaac would certainly therefore have been aware of what God had shown Rebekah.

Just on this evidence alone, we would probably expect that Isaac, as God’s chosen covenant bearer, should have been in a position to discern which of their two children would inherit the blessing of the firstborn and the covenant after him: it was Jacob, not Esau.  And we would also expect therefore that Isaac should have demonstrated some prayerful spiritual leadership in his family when the time came for the blessing to be given.

However, this is not what we see.  Rather the opposite, in fact.  When the time came for the blessing to be given, Isaac had grown old, and his sight was failing him.  The narrative tells us that Isaac was intending to give the blessing to Esau, rather than to Jacob.  Esau was his favourite son of the two.  He and Esau had a significant trait in common: they both loved the food of wild game, so Esau become his favourite, regardless of his godless attitudes (25:27-28, 27:2-4).  By contrast, Jacob was Rebekah’s favourite.  He spent his time among the tents with the family, rather than going on hunting trips, so he and Rebekah would have become close, and he became very much momma’s boy (25:27). She was evidently the person who had the most influence over him.

Now it is true that all parents continue to love and have a deep natural affection towards their children, in spite of any weaknesses that their children may have and any ways in which they may fail as they grow up.  However, as he grew up, Esau developed into a godless man who had no interest in his birthright, and he had no fear of God nor any desire to follow him in his life.  In fact, it says that Esau despised his birthright; he considered it worthless and bartered it for just a bowl of soup one day when he was famished (25:29-34).  As for his moral character, who knows what on earth Esau got up to when he was away from the family home alone on his frequent hunting trips…  Without seeking guidance from his parents, he went off and married not one, but two, ungodly and carnal Hittite women who brought nothing but grief into the extended family home, and later he even went off and married a third!  Rebekah was disgusted with them (25:29-34, 26:34-35, 27:46; 28:8-9; Heb. 12:16).

In fact, Scripture has nothing positive at all to say about Esau.  He was the archetypal ‘man of the flesh.’  His god was his belly, and all he ever craved for was this world of carnal sensual pleasure (cf. Phil. 3:19).  We should not feel sorry for Esau in any way.  His heart was godless.  The blessing and the covenant with God which came with it, meant nothing to Esau and they could never have been his, despite that fact that he was the firstborn.  It would have been a catastrophe for God’s covenant to have been given to such a godless man!  Yes, Esau was angry and felt sorry for himself when he realised that Jacob had received the blessing (27:34-36, Heb. 12:16-17).  He was embittered by this, and for many years he held onto and nursed a murderous grudge against Jacob (27:41, 32:6-8).  He was impenitent.  When Scripture says that God hated Esau, it is emphasising the fact that he found Esau’s attitudes, actions and lifestyle utterly repulsive (Mal. 1:2-3).  God loves all people, and he continues to be gracious to them despite their sin (cf. Matt. 5:45), but if a person remains imperviously intransigent and wilfully impenitent, despite repeated warnings, then this does provoke God’s displeasure and wrath towards them.  In later years, when Jacob had matured as an adult, he made sure to remove himself from Esau and to put significant geographical distance between them (25:23, 33:16-17).  There can be no future and no blessing in living near or with the kind of carnal and godless man that Esau was, there is only irritation, aggravation and grief.

And yet, in spite of Esau’s godlessness, his father Isaac still loved him, and wanted to give the blessing to him, rather than to Jacob.  So what are we to make of Isaac’s spiritual state and level of discernment as he grew older?  Had he too become carnal, loving his food but not seeking God?  Had he decided to completely ignore the prophetic revelation that Rebekah had received many years before?  Had he stubbornly resisted her pleas countless times to the point where Rebekah thought it was pointless anymore to try to convince him?

Certainly, as a father, Isaac seems to have been weak.  He loved Esau, yes, but he evidently did not discipline him and rein him in as he should; he allowed him to get away with almost any kind of behaviour and attitude.  An undisciplined child becomes an unruly adult.  Did Isaac confront Esau at any stage about his regrettable choice in marrying those two Hittite women?  The narrative tells us that it was only after Jacob had left and gone to Paddam Aram, that Esau finally understood just how displeasing his two wives were to his parents (28:8).  So it seems that this fact had not really sunk into Esau’s mind and heart until that point.  But why not?  Was it simply that Isaac, because of his affection for Esau, had been afraid to challenge him as an adult son and tell him pointedly and bluntly that his decision was very wrong and to put him in his place?

It also seems to be true that Isaac had become spiritually passive, if not altogether asleep and cold.  At the very time that the blessing was to be given, he showed no inclination to pray and seek God over the matter, but instead was intending to act simply in accordance with his natural parental inclination towards Esau.  He demonstrated no real spiritual leadership.  But to have given the blessing to such a godless character would have been nothing short of calamitous!  Could such a man ever carry the blessing of God and his covenant in this world?  Never!!  Just imagine it…

This passivity of Isaac can also be seen later on in the narrative, when he gave instructions to Jacob about going to Paddan Aram and whom he was to marry (28:1-5).  The question is: would he have done this, if Rebekah had not first burst out in such a pointed way about her disgust with Esau’s two Hittite wives (27:46)?  Rebekah clearly manipulated Isaac here.  Her sudden and sharp, but calculated outburst, cut into Isaac and goaded him into action to send Jacob away.  Isaac simply repeated to Jacob pretty much what Rebekah had already said to him (27:42-44), and so Rebekah got her way in making sure that Jacob was sent away for his own safety.

In wanting to give the blessing to Esau, Isaac was on the verge of taking a dreadful step, and it was his weakness and spiritual passivity which was leading to it.  As the head of his family, and as God’s covenant bearer, it was his responsibility to make sure that the blessing was given to the right person, i.e. to Jacob.  Isaac should have been seeking God over this matter, but he wasn’t, and he was about to miss the mark completely!  It is interesting that in a parallel situation one generation further down the line, when Jacob himself was old and about to give his blessing to the two sons of Joseph, Manasseh and Ephraim, he crossed his arms and gave the blessing of the firstborn to the younger of the two, i.e. to Ephraim.  Even when he was old and almost blind, Jacob was still spiritually awake, and he discerned the purpose of God for these two grandsons, and blessed them accordingly (48:1-20).  So why couldn’t Isaac do similarly in this situation?  Because he was no longer where he should have been spiritually!  He was weak and passive, precisely when he should have been awake and active as the head of the family.

Hence, the buck stops with Isaac, the father.  It was his weakness and passivity, and not being in the place where he should have been in order to discern God’s purpose for his two sons, that led to the situation which then developed.  And how many times do we see this in the lives of families?  When the father is not where he should be spiritually, when he is passive and does not lead as he should, then things in the family often go awry.  But, by contrast, when he does his best to fulfil his role as he should, then the family home has far more stability than it would otherwise have.  No matter how much she may try, it is not a mother’s responsibility or role to bear the mantle which God has purposed that the father should bear.  It does not belong to her, and it does not work.


The deceiving mother and the obedient mummy’s boy

We cannot critique passivity for what it does, simply and precisely because it does nothing, we can only critique it for what it ought to have done, but didn’t.  Isaac’s passivity shifts the spotlight by its contrast onto Rebekah’s active but erroneous role and brings that into centre-stage.  It is much easier therefore to make the mistake of pointing the finger at her.  However, we should make sure to critique Isaac first as the father, and uncover his weakness and spiritual passivity as the primary underlying causes of the mess that was created in this situation.

Rebekah’s actions were wrong and should be acknowledged as such, but they were secondary and consequential to Isaac’s passivity.  If he had been the responsible father and spiritual leader he ought to have been, then Rebekah would not have done what she did.  However, that does not justify what she did nor does it exonerate her from her own guilt for the part she played in creating this mess.

The weakness and passivity of her husband Isaac, the fact that he did not seek the Lord as to whom he should give the blessing of the firstborn, at a time when he should have been doing precisely that, provoked Rebekah into concocting her plan to deceive Isaac in order to make sure that the blessing went to Jacob.  She knew what the purpose of God was, because God had shown it to her many years before (25:21-23), so she tried to bring it about by purely human means through an act of deception (27:5-10).  This ‘flesh act,’ as we call it, a human plan which tries to bring about the fulfilment of a purpose of God, simply complicated the situation even further, but it did not however alter God’s ultimate purpose.

As I said above, all four of these people were at fault for this situation which developed in their family life, and for its consequences, each in their own way.  Isaac, as the head of the family, was the key person, but he did not play his role as he should have.  Many people who read this narrative, tend to blame Jacob for his part in deceiving Issac in order to procure the blessing, because this was plainly an unrighteous act, and they feel sorry for Esau.  However, it is wrong to single out Jacob as the sole wrong-doer and to blame him for what happened.

To be fair on Jacob, he did initially object to Rebekah’s plan because he thought Isaac would easily uncover the deception involved and he himself might well then inherit a curse, rather than a blessing (27:11-12).  Although Jacob did go ahead with his mother’s plan, yet we can also see how the narrative clearly emphasises a positive characteristic of his character: he submitted to and was obedient to his parents.  Jacob submitted to his mother Rebekah, so he dressed himself up like Esau, and went in and deceived his aged father.  Also, later on, when Jacob was told by his father to go and live with Laban and to marry one of his daughters, rather than marrying a Hittite woman (as Esau had done) and bringing further grief into the family home, he obeyed his father (28:5,7).  As a general principle, honouring our parents by submitting to them and obeying them is something that God himself will always bless.  Jacob’s mistake, of course, was that on this occasion he obeyed his mother, when he really should have refused to do it.  However, his mother clearly had a lot of influence over him, and as a mother’s boy he seems not to have had the courage to refuse to implement her deceptive plan.

But what of Rebekah?  Flesh acts always have consequences, and there is always a price to pay!  We cannot bring about the fulfilment of God’s purpose through flesh acts, and we also have to live with the human consequences of what we have done.  Did Rebekah stop at all to think that, because of this flesh act, Esau would be furious and she would then lose Jacob, her favourite son, for twenty long years, because he was forced to leave home for his own safety (cf. 31:41)?  Did she realise that the one who would end up staying around in the home environment for years to come would be godless Esau along with his two (and afterwards three) ungodly wives?  And of course, she wouldn’t have realised that as a result of her actions, her son Jacob would carry the blame in many people’s minds down through the centuries, would she?  As a result of her deceptive plan, Rebekah lost the very son she treasured the most, and, whether she liked it or not, she had to endure the ungodly behaviour of Esau’s wives for many years.  This all brought deep grief to her heart, and she became disgusted with living (27:46).  Rebekah had told Jacob that, if Isaac did curse him instead of blessing him, then she herself would bear the curse (27:13).  However, even though Isaac did not curse Jacob as he had feared, there were certainly human consequences to this deception that Rebekah had to bear and endure for many years.

We might well ask, how was it that Rebekah was willing to concoct such a blatant plan of deception against her husband Isaac?  Well, apart from her desire to bring about God’s purpose for Jacob, it might help if we look closely at her own family background.  Her brother Laban, with whom she had been brought up through childhood in their own household environment in Haran, proved later in the narrative to be nothing more than a narcissistic deceiver, cheat and manipulator.  So Rebekah would evidently have been influenced by these traits of Laban’s character as she grew up with him around her in daily life.  Something of this clearly rubbed off on her as she grew up, and it became part of her own character.  She therefore had no qualms about deceiving Isaac when the time came for him to give the blessing.  In this sense, Laban’s character was showing up in Isaac’s household long before Jacob ever met him, through Rebekah.

What Rebekah should have done, of course, was to have prayed and gone immediately to Isaac before Esau returned from his hunting trip and reminded him pointedly, yet again, about what God had revealed to them when the two twins were jostling in her womb all those years before, that the elder would serve the younger, and that the blessing ought therefore to be given to Jacob.  Or perhaps, as I have heard it suggested, Isaac was intent on giving the blessing to Esau because of his parental affection for him, and had no intention of giving it to Jacob, and that Rebekah therefore thought that there was no point in going to him to try to persuade him.  As parents they would surely have talked this point over many times together during the years that their sons were growing up, as all parents do.  Whatever, it is clear that she thought that deception was the only way to achieve the desired result.

However, is lying acceptable to God in such a situation?  Does it really achieve his purpose?  All it did was to unnecessarily complicate this family situation and to bring about undesirable consequences for everyone.  Yes, Rahab did lie to protect the two spies from certain death (cf. Josh. 2:1-7), but does that justify deception in Rebekah’s case?  Could she and Jacob not have trusted God that he would step in even at the last moment and speak to Isaac to make sure that he gave the blessing to Jacob?  Much as Jacob himself later gave his blessing to Ephraim, Joseph’s younger son, by crossing his arms as he was in the very act of blessing them, as I said above.  In a situation where four people are all clearly at fault in some way, little if any sense can be made of it and it is impossible and wrong to pin the blame on only one person; all four of them were at fault.  We can see from the narrative that God himself stepped in and revealed his covenant to Jacob when he had him on his own in the desert, away from Rebekah’s influence (Gen. ch.28).

So is Jacob really the one to blame for what happened, and should we feel sorry for Esau?  I said above that, no, we should never feel sorry for a godless man like Esau.  His own attitudes and actions led him to losing his birthright, so he had only himself to blame.  But Jacob?  Should we single him out?  Clearly not, since he was simply obeying his mother.  It was Isaac’s passivity in the first place that led to Rebekah’s flesh act of deception, and she then roped Jacob into acting out her deception.  Jacob’s actions were the consequence of those of both of his parents.

I would suggest that the narrative shows us that our view of Jacob should be essentially positive.  It is clear that Jacob understood and craved the covenant with God which Isaac held.  Even when he was in the womb, he was jostling to come out first and be the firstborn (25:26).  As he grew, yes, he did manipulate Esau in a moment of weakness to get him to sell his birthright (25:29-34).  And yes, this was also an immature flesh act on Jacob’s part.  He should not have done it.  But what it did reveal is significant: on the one hand, that Jacob had spiritual understanding and craved after the birthright (which was a godly trait), and on the other, that Esau despised his birthright (which was a godless trait).  Both of them revealed their heart that day.  And even though his actions were wrong, yet we should honour Jacob for his underlying heart’s desire.  He craved the blessing of God and his covenant from a young age, and this indicated the trajectory and direction in which his life would eventually go. 

People often make much of his name, Jacob, meaning ‘one who supplants,’ and they tie this in to his later act of deceiving his father Isaac, and end up seeing him in a negative way as ‘Jacob the deceiver.’  However, it is preferable to take his name as ‘supplanter’ in a positive sense.  What was it exactly that Jacob supplanted?  Godlessness.  Immoral living.  The absence of the fear of God.  Viewing the birthright as worthless.  All these things which were true of Esau.  So was it a good thing that Jacob supplanted these things?  Absolutely!  Supplanting can certainly be a very positive trait.  As it unfolds, the narrative shows us that Jacob’s life was signally blessed by God.  As he grew, in contrast to Esau, Jacob honoured and obeyed his parents; he craved God’s covenant; he followed God and inherited his blessing; his godly life and desires supplanted his brother’s godlessness; God revealed his covenant to him, together with its promises; God spoke to him in visions and dreams; God sent angels to guard and oversee him; God prospered him exceedingly and protected him from the narcissistic rapacity of Laban; he wrestled with man and with God, and overcame; divine purposes were fulfilled through him: out of him came the twelve tribes of Israel, the ancient covenant people of God from whom the Messiah came, and so on.  And perhaps most significantly of all, Jacob is a prophetic type of Christ, the Son of God, the great, divine supplanter who overcame and brought down the dominion of darkness in this world, by overcoming the strong man and spoiling his goods (cf. Mark 3:27).  So our view of Jacob’s character should be essentially positive: godly and spiritual, but humanly flawed just as we all are.

 

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